Call me Pollyanna.

Boston Public Garden, Sept 2011

This morning I had the best breakfast after weeks. It was just a plain bagel with hummus and hot green tea for 3dollars, but I've never felt so fulfilled. It might be because of the wet morning too. I've always love wet mornings, even in Malaysia because these are the best time to sleep in and even to have a jog/walk and the sun after the rain especially makes everything extra pretty too. I'm in love.

I've been listening to Fly.fm and Mix.fm here very religiously now. I love their late night playlists, they usually play mellow, slow rock and peaceful songs and I'm very happy that I can hear it during the day here. It made me miss the late night drives with people from home, even when it is in silence. I guess it's very obvious that that's when I'm at the happiest, contented that I can be solitary as well comfortable in silence with everybody else who means so much to me.

I won't say that I'm homesick because Boston already feels like home. It has everything that I used to only dream of and sometimes I caught me pinching myself wondering if all these are really happening. I'm glad I'm here. I would say that I miss the easier times, the comfortable times, the care-free times. But then again it wasn't all easy back then haha I had some problems and troubles too. I just made it through. I miss it because I thought it was hard but honestly it's not. It's all in my head.. Mind games. If you don't mind, it definitely does not matter. If you think you're happy, you are happy. If you're sad, then there's nothing that anyone can do about it but yourself.

I honestly have to remind myself all the time that I'm happy and to start counting my blessings. I won't lie that I felt down alot of times here. Broke, hungry, cold, alone etc. But all that I had to do is to open my eyes to all the things surrounding me. Broke? So what I have my blanket and books to keep me company. Hungry? Oh well I can distract myself and wait for tomorrow to go to the dining hall. My meal plan consists of 9 meals per week so basically I can have a meal per day, 2 during extremely kebulur times. Cold? Well atleast it's not excruciatingly hot! And alone. It's not that bad I've been alone most of my adolescent years haha. I quote Alice Koller; solitary is being alone well and luxuriously immersed in doings of my own choice, aware of the fullness of my own presence rather than the absence of others. I had a solo window shopping spree at Newsbury St and it felt great! I might just do it again tomorrow and pray that I don't spend more than I should.

Everyone is nice, don't you think so? If they're not then they are just not having a good day. There is definitely no need to reciprocate their meanness! Just call me them a meanie/bitch/asshole in your head and forget about it.

To others who's reading this; it'll be alright, whatever it may be. I'm not entirely sure who you are but I would really hate if you feel what I felt. But even if you are doing okay, I just felt like saying it anyway. The world needs to exhibit more emotions. Or perhaps it's just me hehe. Think happy and you'll be happy okay! I'm also very sorry if I hadn't been replying messages.. But write me a long one full of updates and I'll make sure to reply it! I just can't handle short updates.. It's like watching short tv series. I'm more of the kind of person who would watch it in a marathon rather than on a daily/weekly basis.

Lots of love.